there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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