i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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