so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
