Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
