So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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