i would punch a child for taco bell
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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