Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
