I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
