So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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