Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
