Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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