If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
