I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
