Christians are straight up FREAKS
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
