I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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