He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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