we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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