Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
