My friends, they love my intelligence
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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