dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
