Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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