I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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