We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
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