sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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