woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
