Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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