I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
