Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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