i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
