Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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