omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
