Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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