There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
