you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
They should really pass out barf bags in church
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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