I could make wine with my vomit
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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