if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
