i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
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