i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
