She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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