Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
false alarm, still single
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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