It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
