it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
