Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
