arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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