Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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