I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
