Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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