Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
