i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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