but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
