Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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