And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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