You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
