also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Welp...herpes.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
